USS Taimaprise

From Taimapedia

The USS Taimaprise (TCC-420) is the flagship of the 420chan fleet. Under the command of Captain Kirt, she embarks on a continuing mission to boldly smoke what no man has smoked before. The crew is composed of IRC regulars who, when needed, throw on their uniforms and get Trekky with it.

Contents 1 Crew Manifest 1.1 Captain Kirt 1.2 Commander Spardot 1.3 Feem 1.4 Commander Loskene 1.5 INTERWORF 1.6 Doctor McFallen 1.7 Lieutenant Commander Goggle 1.8 Lieutenant Commander Mehx 1.9 Counsellor Shortcat 1.10 Lieutenant Lucie 1.11 Lieutenant Ella 1.12 Lieutenant Leslie 1.13 Bartender Stein 1.14 Captain Proddette 1.15 Lieutenant Aura 1.16 Ensign Adserfadge 1.17 Ensign Wikked 1.18 Janitor Annonymorse 1.19 Colonel Panic 1.20 Admiral Netjester 2 Redshirts 3 Service history 4 Crew Gallery 5 EXPLAIN THIS BULLSHIT

[edit] Crew Manifest

[edit] Captain Kirt

Commander of the Taimaprise and leader of its crew. Constructed the ship at a time when the drug fleet was weak and required direction, lest our brave souls fall to Klingon rule.

[edit] Commander Spardot

First officer and Pandarian second in command. Takes charge when the time comes that the Captain is too busy arranging upgrades for the ship (all of the time). A competent leader who is not afraid make a show of strength when the need be. Serves as advisor to Captain Kirt and manages the various department heads.

[edit] Feem

He is not a Section 31 agent, they do not exist. You are not reading this.

[edit] Commander Loskene

Tholian starship commander, often visits the Taimaprise for parties. Quite particular to Romulan

[edit] INTERWORF

A once-valiantly bearded Klingon warrior, he was assimilated by the Borg at the Battle of Sector 0-0-1. He has since been freed from the collective and serves aboard the Taimaprise. Has a fondness for Tribbles, despite his race being responsible for their extinction.

[edit] Doctor McFallen

CMO of the Taimaprise, notable for sampling most of the ship's medical supplies before anyone else. Currently in a relationship with Lieutenant Lucie

[edit] Lieutenant Commander Goggle

Chief Engineer, heavy drinker, says "I'm givin' her all she's got Captain" quite a bit. Next on the catchphrase list: "Ye cannae change the laws of physics"

[edit] Lieutenant Commander Mehx

Armoury officer known for constructing innovative weapons from whatever he found in the area. James Kirk built a bamboo cannon, Mehx built a bamboo railgun.

[edit] Counsellor Shortcat

Always available to listen to you whine about how nobody on the ship recognises your awesome contributions to the food replicator menu. Officially holds the rank of Lieutenant, with occasional bridge officer duties.

[edit] Lieutenant Lucie

A recent addition to the officer's manifest, originally serving as nurse to Dr. McFallen, where the two got to know each other quite well. (wink wink nod nod)

[edit] Lieutenant Ella

The ship's chief science officer. Can often be found in the fabrication lab making odd looking devices, and concocting chemicals that cannot be identified beyond their colour by the computer. We worry sometimes.

[edit] Lieutenant Leslie

Leslie

[edit] Bartender Stein

While normally serving as a command officer, Stein has a penchant for serving drinks in the ship's Rec room. First known man to try a gravity bong with a black hole and survive.

[edit] Captain Proddette

Commanding officer of the USS Excelsior, part of the Taimaprise's taskforce. Proddette is a Deltan, a species which is androgynous with both male and female characteristics, as well as a high sex drive.

[edit] Lieutenant Aura

Crewman serving aboard Captain Proddette's Excelsior who, like Proddette, is Deltan. It is rumoured the two are podmates.

[edit] Ensign Adserfadge

Fresh from the academy, assigned to a nameless station at the back of the bridge. Not required to talk, does so anyway.

[edit] Ensign Wikked

The ship's navigator and computer specialist. The genius Russian has gotten the ship out of trouble more times than can be counted, as well as being responsible for the security program known as DEA.

[edit] Janitor Annonymorse

<to be added> (It's never going to be added)

[edit] Colonel Panic

Leader of the Taimaprise's MACO detachment. Since he's the only member (420channers don't fight, they chill), he's basically a one man army.

[edit] Admiral Netjester

The kangaroo is a gland used for hearing, and it converts sound into electrical impulses that are fed to the schedules of the cheap motor car.

[edit] Redshirts

Those lovable nameless security men who beam down to the planet and don't seem to make it back.

• GoldShirt Gold - Leader of the Redshirts.
• Shuttle Pilot Reverend - Too handsome to die ugly.
• Security officer Suit
• Engineer SunniD
• Lt.Junior Grade Xpander
• Security officer H - I'm the only one that brought a gun.
• Heavy Glosawesome - I get some cool-ass Microtorpedo Launcher thing.

[edit] Service history

The Taimaprise and her crew are battle hardened from years of skirmishes and raids on outlying attackers seeking to change the way the 420fleet lives its illustrious life. Having received many tactical and aesthetic upgrades throughout its time, the ship is ready for almost anything. The only threats that have caused severe damage have often come from within. The numerous upgrades were almost all prototypical and experimental. As such, they often caused unexpected hardware and software damage in the process of testing and implementation.

A more recent incident involved a brief journey through a wormhole to the Delta Quadrant, along with the USS Excelsior and Loskene's webspinner. The mouth of the wormhole happened to open inside a Borg sphere that was investigating the anomaly. The ship was destroyed, but no-one noticed some surviving drones stowing away aboard the Excelsior when it came through.

While most of the command crew of the Taimaprise and Excelsior were sick from bad ham, Lieutenant Leslie, who had recently transferred to the Excelsior as tactical officer, got rather drunk and proceeded to fire a shot at the Taimaprise. The stowaway Borg took the opportunity of confusion to assimilate parts of the ship and gain access to its controls. They then attempted to destroy the Taimaprise. The ensuing combat severely damaged both ships, and in the end both were left adrift and faced a fight of who could get weapons back online first. Unfortunately the Borg were quick off the mark and began to power up the Excelsior's systems, prompting acting Captain INTERWORF to activate the Taimaprise's auto-destruct system. With little time left, Commander Loskene beamed back to his ship and deployed a tractor web around the Excelsior, containing it and nullifying the threat.

With time ticking away, the crew of the Taimaprise abandoned ship by manning escape shuttles and separating the saucer section (something which cannot be repaired outside of Spacedock due to its explosive nature). Loskene managed to return in time to dump the Taimaprise warp core before it detonated, saving the badly beaten cruiser. The crew hastily returned to the stricken vessel, making temporary spot-welds to reattach the saucer and await rescue.

After messaging Starfleet Command, the USS Star Empire and 2 tugships were dispatched to recover the taskforce and deal with the Borg threat. The fleet was given brief repairs and taken back to Earth Spacedock, where all ships received more extensive repairs and upgrades. The Taimaprise was outfitted with a fresh warp core, a new impulse engine block, stronger support braces, a new Bridge module, an updated computer core and additional crew to replace losses sustained in the incident.

Lieutenant Leslie remained in the brig under direct supervision of Commander Spardot for the duration of the refit, and was only occasionally visited by other crew for ridicule.

[edit] Crew Gallery

Admiral Netjester	Captain Kirt	Commander Spardot	Commander Loskene, tophat optional
Loskene's ship	INTERWORF	This is not a Section 31 pear	Dr. McFallen at home in sickbay
Lieutenant Lucie, looking lovely	Lt. Cmdr Goggle in proper attire	Captain Proddette of the Excelsior, enjoying a nice cuppa	Proddette's ship
Lieutenant Aura	Ensign Wikked, Navigator	Janitor Annonymorse will fucking burn a hole in your eye.	Lt. Cmdr Mehx giving the go to nuke the boards

[edit] EXPLAIN THIS BULLSHIT

Long story short, Kirtaner and Loskene are massive Star Trek fans, and applying the IRC regulars to various Star Trek cast members worked its way into a conversation at some point in late August-Early September '09. Loskene first coined the phrase Taimaprise, and it has stuck ever since. If you wish to join the crew, just show up in IRC and wait for someone to start talking about Star Trek. Sooner or later everyone is changing their nicknames and screaming about Klingons off the starboard bow.